Okay… I’m struggling with this whole holiday thing. I’m so out of touch and I have struggled with Christmas for a while now. Actually since I accepted Christ 7 years ago… The “Christ” is out of Christmas. It is so commercialized and so material focused that I think that I over compensate by almost not doing anything. I used to love Christmas time. I’d get all into the decorations and the tree and going into major debt getting gifts for everyone… dreading January when all the credit card bills would come in…
Now, I haven’t had a tree up in at least 3 years… My mother would be mortified! It’s like I’m protesting or something. I just don’t have it in me to do the whole go to the mall and fight for a parking space and fight to get in line and fight to get the latest and greatest gift that everyone JUST has to have.
What does this have to do with Jesus, I keep asking myself? Where is he? And why don’t Christians put the same amount of energy into Resurrection Day? I mean yes, we need to celebrate that our savior was born, for if he never was born, he could never be crucified, dead and buried, right? The story has to begin… But I just don’t see as much visual energy in celebrating the fact that our Savior got up on the third day with all power in his hands… Conquering the final enemy…death…
The fact that the cross is EMPTY is what I’m celebrating. The fact that I have been bought with a price and have been redeemed is what I get real excited about.
I think that is why I tend to over compensate and almost take on a “scrooge-like” mentality. It is a struggle for me, because I see other Christians excited and I feel estranged almost… Like I should be celebrating with everyone else, but i just can’t bring myself to it. I think I need to find a happy medium, because Christ’s birth is a reason to celebrate. Reason enough, actually. I enjoy the gifts, but I just don’t want it to become the focus. Plus, I’ve been debt for so long and finally fought out of it, by the grace of God, I almost freak out when it comes to this time of year. I have flashbacks…
I’m a shopaholic and the temptation is so great, so my antennae go up, so I really don’t enjoy it…
Anyway, pray for me as I work through this thing… I think I’m going to buy a tree this year… so I can go half way and work through these emotions. I pray that I be delivered from this impulsive shopping habit. It has been supressed, but it is still there lying dormant, waiting for the right environment, like a sale at Macy’s or the Coach store, or Nordstroms… Anywhere really…
Tis the season to be jolly… I guess…
